Books That Have Shaped Me – Part Ten
Bob Rakestraw
May 2, 2012
“The Benediction
Project”
For the first 20
years as a new and serious follower of Jesus Christ I experienced some times of
spiritual success and some times of spiritual defeat. Fortunately, the latter
did not dominate, but they did trouble my mind and soul.
From the time God
revealed to me his way to salvation by grace through faith in 1962 until the
time God revealed to me his way to holiness by grace through faith in 1982, I
was searching for the highly elusive (to me) truth about the way to the
remarkable life of godliness described and prescribed in the Bible. I was
especially struck by certain statements in the epistles of Paul, but also by
the words from the Torah and from Jesus: “Love the Lord your God with all of your
heart, soul, mind and strength, and your neighbor as yourself.”
During these 20
years I grew steadily (but sometimes shakily) in my Christian life through the reading
of the whole Bible (about12-15) times, reading good Christian literature,
hearing and preaching numerous sermons and Bible lessons, serving as a pastor
in two churches, earning B.S. and M.A. degrees in Biblical studies, missions,
and theology, teaching Bible and preaching courses in college, and studying the
Church Fathers, ethics and more in two years of Ph.D. course work.
Over these years,
however, I was hungering for a more consistently victorious Christian life. I
had some areas of my life (thoughts, words, actions, attitudes) in which sin
was sometimes the victor instead of the vanquished. I didn’t know how to take
the “next step” (if there was one) to live a life more pleasing to God—a life
of true holiness.
For the first half
of this period of searching I was under the influence of “Keswick” (pronounced
without the “w”) teaching on (what was variously called) the deeper life,
higher life, crucified life, surrendered life and other such labels. Most of
the key points of Keswick teaching are found in Romans 6-8, especially chapter
6. I learned that even though I had been crucified with Christ, in order to
have victory over sin I had to continually “reckon” (count, consider) myself
dead to sin and alive to God, and surrender my will, hopes, ambitions and all
of my “self” to God. I also had to present my body and the parts of my body to
God, not to sin. Victory over sin was available to those who did these things,
and who “let go and let God.” Human effort and struggle were not emphasized in
Keswick theology.
While I knew that
these teachings were biblical, I felt there was something more I was not
seeing, or not being taught. I longed for holiness more and more, but sin was
still a bothersome presence.
During my years under
Keswick theology I was also reading many books in the Reformed or Calvinistic
tradition. While a good number of these works helped me significantly in
increasing my thirst for God, I was not able to find the way to positive
spiritual living.
Reformed theology
emphasizes the inbred nature of sin in every person, even born-again Christians
who have the indwelling Holy Spirit. There is a way of living righteously,
however, by reading the Bible and being faithful in prayer, and by refusing the
lures of the tempter.
While both Keswick
and Reformed teaching are based in the Bible, and overlap in essential points,
they both left me with a negative view of the extent of godliness possible in
this life. The Keswick approach so stressed our death with Christ and living
the crucified life that it tended to neglect the resurrection life. And the
Reformed approach stressed our inbred sinfulness so much that it failed to
present a robust picture—attainable in this life—of the joyful, holy, Spirit-filled
person we may become.
One Reformed
theologian friend of mine told me he believes there is an element of sin in
everything he does, even when he is worshipping God or helping others. Sin is
ever-present in the life of every Christian, he believes, and taints all that
we do and are. We must continue to
struggle upward, even though we regularly slip back down the hillside.
After 20 years into
my Christian life I was more frustrated than ever. I confessed every sin that I
was aware of, and I knew that God forgave me, but I did not really expect to
live as a consistent conqueror in Christ. Perhaps Romans 7 (“what I want to do
I do not do, but what I hate, I do”) was the best any Christian can hope for in
this life. Yet I did not believe that! And I determined that I was not going to
settle for that!
Late one night in
our small two-bedroom apartment, after Judy and our girls had been asleep for
hours, I was reading some of the writings of John Wesley. It was very quiet,
Judy was asleep on our bed next to my desk, and I was reading for my work
toward the Ph.D. degree. But, as indicated above, I had been hungering for a
more God-honoring life. I was poor and needy and spiritually weak. I longed to
be drenched and filled with the water of holiness that I knew God had for his
children.
In the stillness,
about 1:00 a.m. I suppose, I was reading one of Wesley’s sermons. God saw this
hungry soul—one who had been saved by his grace for 20 years—and came to him
with the breakthrough he had been seeking all these years.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Greatest Truth I had ever heard, and ever expect to hear, is that the eternal God took on a human body, lived like you and me, was murdered, rose by his own power and now lives forever to draw all people to him. Those who come to him sincerely, in whatever condition they are, are welcomed into his eternal family because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ in our place.
The Second Greatest Truth was about to be
revealed to me. However, because I have exceeded my (self-imposed) word limit I
will need to continue this account in my next posting.
