Alone – Part One

Alone – Part One

Bob Rakestraw

September 5, 2012

“The Benediction Project”

http://bobrakestraw.blogspot.com

 

I am a strong believer in people being with people and people helping people. To live in this world we need one another almost as much as we need food and water. We especially need groups, whether they be local church congregations, study groups, book clubs, or support groups for those grieving, for addicts or for new parents. Groups of seven or under where the common desire is to know and follow God totally, are particularly beneficial to the participants. Even two or three people can constitute a strong life-giving support group.

I do not like to think of where I would be today if it were not for the many small groups, especially prayer groups, of which I have been a part during the nearly half-century of my Christian life. The picture would not be pretty. I am fairly sure that, without these groups in my life, if I still called myself a Christian, I would be a self-centered, prideful, opinionated, self-deceived, lonely and critical person, looking down on most people (and churches) and having little or no compassion toward the poor, the sick, the blind, the deaf, the lame, the mentally ill, the immigrant, the hungry, the jobless, the abused, and those who do not know Jesus Christ. I might have a strong interest in the Bible and certain theological issues and beliefs, but I would likely avoid (or be so blind as not to notice) the great amount of scripture that points Christ’s followers toward a holistic love of God and neighbor.

 It is an ugly and sad picture I just painted, and I give high praise to God that it is only hypothetical. The truth the picture brings out is that any of us who attempts to go through life on our own will wander through the dark streets and fields of a very bleak and lonely world, without light, without joy, without fulfillment, and being of no lasting benefit to anyone. People need the Lord, and people need people.

Having said all this, however, I firmly believe that each of us must learn to walk through life alone. Christian or non-Christian, strong believer or merely religious, everyone must journey alone on this path called life.

This sounds, I realize, like the complete opposite of what I just wrote about people needing people. But as I have lived my life I have learned that these are not polar opposites but complementary facets of one’s existence. Each is a vital truth that must be faced, understood accepted and embraced.

The apostle Paul brings these two aspects of life together nicely in his letter to the Galatians, chapter six. In the King James Version we first read, “bear ye one another’s burdens” (v. 2), but three verses later, “every man shall bear his own burden” (v. 5). At first reading it appears that Paul is contradicting himself, but this learned rabbi, a specialist in both the Hebrew and Greek languages, would surely not contradict himself in such a brief, tightly argued section of his letter.

It is helpful to know that Paul is not using the same Greek word for “burden” in these two verses, although their meanings are similar and overlapping. The word in verse two (baros), is used of “the burden and heat of the day” (Matthew 20:12) and other figurative kinds of the pressures of life. It refers to a heavy and oppressive weight, and here in Galatians it is referring to the weight of temptation and spiritual failure. Paul exhorts the spiritual believer in the community to restore gently those struggling with these issues.

The word in verse 5 (phortion) has a similar but not identical sense. While it is used to speak of “burdens grievous to be borne” (Luke 11:46) and the crushing weight imposed by the legalistic teachers and Pharisees (Matthew 23:4), it also has the sense of a lighter load, like a shoulder-pack, as a porter, peddler or marching soldier might carry. It is this word Jesus used when he said, “my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). Even though we all must carry our own backpack, Jesus says it is light.  When Jesus says “my burden is light” he is teaching that even though we must carry it, if he packs our load and places it on our backs it will be light.

In the context of Galatians 6, then, Paul instructs us to bear one another’s burdens when their spiritual weaknesses are evident, but to be very careful not to consider ourselves superior to the fallen. We are to concentrate on our own lives and work, and in this sense we must carry our load alone.

I remember when, well into mid-life, the truth of my aloneness struck me. As far as I can recall it did not come from something I heard, some article I read or something from any human source, although I had thought about Galatians 6:5 many times over the years. At first this reality stunned me, saddened me and even frightened me. Even though I had a wonderful wife, two delightful daughters and their families, and great friends, there was not a single person on earth who could fully understand me nor resolve my deepest issues and concerns. These constituted my burden, even though the burden was given to me by Jesus. There was no one who could really meet my needs. Yet it is no exaggeration to say that this truth is one of the most valuable insights I have ever received from the Lord about living life successfully.

 Before I go on I need to say that I am speaking of human relationships, not our intimate journey with God who is our constant companion, guide, comforter and sovereign Lord. In this latter sense God’s people are never alone. Concerning his obedient followers Jesus spoke some amazing words:

If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor [or Comforter] to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. … Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you (John 14:15-20, NIV; see also I John 4:12-16).

God willing, I will complete this essay in my next posting.

As Close As It Gets

As Close As It Gets

Books That Have Shaped Me – Part Thirteen

Bob Rakestraw

August 1, 2012

“The Benediction Project”

http://bobrakestraw.blogspot.com

15.  Rose from Briar, by Amy Carmichael (Christian Literature Crusade, 1973), 200 pp. First Published 1933.

 This posting brings to a close the series I have been writing on the 15 books that have most shaped me, primarily in my personal life but also in my professional life. These two spheres of life are so overlapping and entwined that I am not able to separate them very well. I trust that this series, which began with the June 30, 2011 blog posting, has been of benefit to you in your life and service for God.

The final book in the series is Rose from Briar by Amy Carmichael. The title may sound familiar to you because in the five years I have been writing this blog I have considered Carmichael’s remarkable little book twice before (April 30, 2010 and February 26, 2011).

 I wrote in my posting of April 30, 2010, that this has to be one of the top five books in my entire life, from the standpoint of helping me live well. It was written over 75 years ago, but I read it only within the past several years while I was experiencing an extended, intense period of suffering. It is not an easy work to read, not only because of the tight, sometimes turgid English (British) but because of the depth—true profundity—of the author’s understanding of suffering. If I had read this book in my earlier or middle years, even though I have suffered frequent piercing headache pain all through those years, I suspect I would not have benefited from it very much. But with the chronic health trials since my heart transplant in 2003, and with the growing realization that I was getting steadily worse, not better, I developed a much deeper need and longing to be understood and guided by one who had traveled this way before me.

Amy Carmichael lived from 1867 to 1951, most of her adult life (55 years) as a missionary to the Donhavur region of South India.  In 1901 she began a home for little girls who were taken and trained as dancing-girls for the Hindu temples, which meant a life of evil for them. Boys were also rescued from moral danger and taken into the home.

In 1931 Amy Carmichael had a serious fall and ended up as an invalid for the last 20 years of her life. She came to know God intimately through her sufferings, and she expresses the most helpful thoughts about physical, emotional and spiritual suffering I have ever read. Ruth Bell Graham, deceased wife of the famous evangelist Billy Graham, said, “By far the best I have found” on the subject of living with serious illness. Many books and tracts written to the ill are written by the well. This work is written to the ill by one who understands by personal experience the depths of illness. I keep this book close by my bedside.

The most powerful impact Rose from Briar has had on me (and thus has shaped me) is twofold. First, the author’s descriptions and analyses of her sufferings, both physical and (especially) mental-spiritual, are closer to those concerning my own sufferings of recent years than anything I have ever read. This is the basis for the title of this posting. I knew (and know) that someone actually understood the way I feel, and, to a person living with a serious chronic illness, this (other than immediate relief for excruciating pain) is the sufferer’s greatest need. At least in my case it has been, and continues to be. I deeply long to be understood, even though I know that no one but God can fully understand me. Carmichael “gets it,” however, and I am held captive by every page of her book.

The second way this work has impacted me flows directly from the first. Not only does the author describe and analyze her suffering (and mine) with greater depth than I have ever seen, but she offers—gently and by way of her own experiences—the most helpful thoughts about how to live with one’s sufferings. And not only live, but live triumphantly. I have no doubt that I will read Rose from Briar for the rest of my life, over and over as long as God allows me to read. I will do as I have been doing, reading one page or one brief chapter at a time, regularly but not necessarily every day, until I come to the end of the book, at which point I will start over. And so on, and so on.

I will close with one of many selections from the book that has strengthened me greatly.

“Those who have had that peculiarly piercing pain which is as though a nail were driven through the palm know how close it can draw the heart into a tender fellowship with Him whose two hands were pierced, not ‘as though,’ but in awful fact, by very nails of iron. There is a kind of solemn joy in coming in the flesh anywhere near the suffering flesh of our Lord. As a child I remember the thought of His Divinity so far overwhelmed the thought of His humanity that it was impossible to realize that He suffered being tempted. … The holy, pure and beautiful spirit of our Saviour suffered so much more than we can understand that words fall off, afraid to touch so profound a mystery; but there was also the sensitive flesh born of a woman. There cannot be a pang in our flesh that was not, and sharper far, in that sacred Body on the Tree. And so in a new way, as we newly understand even only a little more of what He bore for us, we draw near to Him.

“Sometimes in Donhavur we, who dearly love the little children about us (and the older ones too), have looked up from some engrossing work to see a child beside us, waiting quietly. And when, with a welcoming hand held out, to the Tamil ‘I have come,’ we have asked ‘For what?’ thinking, perhaps, of something to be confessed, or wanted, the answer has come back, ‘Just to love you.’ So do we come, Lord Jesus; we have no service to offer now; we do not come to ask for anything, not even for guidance. We come just to love You” (pp. 118-119).

Just War, Pacifism and Nonviolent Resistance

Books That Have Shaped Me – Part Twelve

Bob Rakestraw

July 2, 2012

 “The Benediction Project”

http://bobrakestraw.blogspot.com

14.  Nuclear Holocaust and Christian Hope: A Book for Christian Peacemakers, Ronald J. Sider and Richard K. Taylor, InterVarsity, 1982, 369 pp., paper.


During the fall of 1982 I was serving as a T.A. (teaching assistant) for the dean of Drew Theological Seminary, Dr. Thomas Ogletree. I was a doctoral student in the graduate school of Drew University in Madison, New Jersey, and I appreciated the opportunity to work with this highly regarded Christian ethicist.

Part of my service as one of the dean’s two T.A.’s during that fall semester was to attend his lectures on Christian Ethics and then meet with the seminary students (half of the class of 50 or so) twice a week to lead them in discussion and cooperative work on a project concerning disarmament. This was during the “cold war,”  and the politics of deterrence, arms control and disarmament (especially nuclear disarmament) was all the rage—among the intellectuals at least. With these issues in mind I bought a copy of Nuclear Holocaust and Christian Hope for my personal study.

There are 4 sections in the book. First: “The Threat of Nuclear War.” Second: “Biblical-Theological Perspectives.” Third: “What to Do: Concrete Steps Toward Peace.” Fourth: “Biblical Faith and National Defense.”

While I had some familiarity with issues of war and peace from a Christian perspective, I accepted the “just war” tradition because I grew up with it and never considered any other approach to war. This view holds that war, while always tragic, is justifiable and even necessary when an enemy nation sets out to harm and/or conquer our nation or some other nation/nations our country decides to protect. Our military, however, should follow certain criteria concerning when to go to war, as well as how to conduct the war once it has begun. In both respects the war must be “just.”

One very prominent advocate of the just war position is Arthur F. Holmes. He writes, “War is evil. … To call war anything less than evil would be self-deception. … [However], could participation in war perhaps be a lesser evil than allowing aggression and terror to go unchecked and unpunished?” Holmes continues, “not all evil can be avoided” (italics his). “We are trapped in moral dilemmas…such that whatever we do involves us in evil of some sort.” The early church father Augustine “advises the Christian who goes to war to repent in advance, because the ambiguities of the situation confuse moral issues and because passions confuse the moral intention.” (War: Four Christian Views, edited by Robert G. Clouse, 1981, pp. 117-118, 128.)

In opposition to the just war position, Sider and Taylor advocate a pacifist view. This is not the only pacifist position, however. The highly esteemed Mennonite scholar John Howard Yoder presents 29 (that’s right) varieties of religious pacifism in his book, Nevertheless (1992). The just war approach, while not monolithic, is a much more unified position than pacifism.

For the purposes of this brief article we may define Christian pacifism as the view that it is always morally wrong for a follower of Christ to participate in war in any way. Such Bible believing pacifists do not deny the ugly realities of evil (including the cruelty of violent and sadistic rulers), but they believe they are morally bound to follow the nonviolent life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Actually, Christ’s life is every bit as important for Christian pacifists as are his teachings (see 1 Peter 2:21-23).

Some pacifists call their position “nonviolent resistance,” meaning that they seek to actively resist evil in this world, but without the use of violence. They are not afraid to fight for truth and righteousness. In fact, they consider themselves obligated to do so. But, even if they and other innocent people will be killed, they—like the thousands of early Christian martyrs—will fight not by the sword but by prayer, praise, trust in the blood of the Lamb, the word of their testimony, and not loving their lives so much as to shrink from death”  (Revelation 12:11). In addition, those who hold to nonviolent resistance often participate in large demonstrations, strikes and boycotts that sometimes, largely or totally without weapons, lead to the downfall of entire corrupt regimes. The fall of communism in the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe is the most striking example in my lifetime, and there are numerous other accounts of similar nonviolent triumphs in Non Violence: The Invincible Weapon? by Sider, 1989.

There are many arguments against Christian pacifism, two of the most common being that God used warfare in the Old Testament and Jesus used a whip to cleanse the temple. Sider and Taylor address these and other objections, especially in section two.

I had never read anything like the material in this book. I had never considered other perspectives than my own. But this book profoundly shaped my life (not only my intellectual arguments) and my whole attitude about how, in my view, Christ desires to advance his kingdom of peace and righteousness in this world today.

I realize that this is an extremely sensitive topic and book. My purpose here is not to push a certain view but to show briefly how the arguments (and facts) affected me. I would like, however, all Bible-believing Christians, the great majority of whom (I assume) probably accept the prevailing just war view, to read, think and pray about the serious biblical and historical case for nonviolence made by devout people of God over the centuries. Thousands of early Christians martyrs understood clearly why they held firmly to their views, and knew very well where their convictions might lead. It would be good for all of us and our children to understand the minds and hearts of these early nonviolent believers.

I have chosen the way of the cross which, in my (admittedly fallible) view, includes a life of nonviolence. Many other servants of Christ have chosen the way of the cross also, and to them this may mean serving actively in the military and following orders to participate in warfare as their leaders direct. In either case, neither should in any way look down upon their brothers and sisters in Christ for their choice, or consider themselves more “spiritual” than those with whom they disagree. The arguments pro and con are far more complex than most Christians realize, and total objectivity on the part of either side is simply not possible in this fallen world.

Let us love our God completely, love our neighbors as ourselves, and love our enemies sincerely no matter how we think on these issues. And may each of us, whatever our views at present, be open to further illumination from the Spirit. We may change from one view to another, stay the same, or simply declare, “I don’t know.”

God, however, does know. He knows our hearts and understands us better than we know ourselves (1 John 3:18-24).

The Second Greatest Truth (Part 2 of 2)

Books That Have Shaped Me – Part Eleven

Robert V. Rakestraw

June 2, 2012 

“The Benediction Project”

http://bobrakestraw.blogspot.com

13b. The Works of John Wesley, edited by Thomas Jackson, 14 vols. 3^rd ed. (Reprint of 1829-31 edition), Baker, 1979. [All of Wesley’s writings, esp. “The Scripture Way of Salvation” in vol. 6, pp. 43-54.]

This posting is the second of a two-part discussion on “The Second Greatest Truth.” If you read the preceding posting (part one), this piece will be more clear and helpful.

In part one I began to write about the issue of sin in my life after I experienced the new birth at the age of 19. Before that life-changing conversion I thought of sin only as something that would send me to hell. Since I became a child of God through faith in Jesus Christ, I thought quite differently. While I still saw sin, and sins, as leading to eternal separation from God if not forgiven, I came to see it not only as a damning power but also as something that grieved and dishonored God, hurt other people, broke my communion with God and hindered my spiritual growth and usefulness in this world.

As a new believer and follower of Jesus, I didn’t want sin in my life and I desired to live consistently above it. In part one I related my frustration as I tried to find some truth or “key” that would unlock the (to me) tightly barred gate to God’s victory garden.

A major breakthrough for me came when I was reading one of John Wesley’s sermons, “The Scripture Way of Salvation.” For the previous year or so I had been reading Wesley’s numerous writings: his letters, journals, essays, sermons and edited works by others that he highly valued. I had come to appreciate Wesley greatly, and now I was reading some of his sermons for a course on Wesley I was taking from Dr. Thomas Oden at Drew University in Madison, New Jersey, where I was a doctoral student. (I later did my Ph.D. dissertation on Wesley.)

Concerning “The Scripture Way of Salvation,” Albert Outler, one of the premier Wesley scholars of the last century, said, “If the Wesleyan Theology had to be judged by a single essay, this one would do as well as any and better than most” (John Wesley, ed. Albert C. Outler, Oxford University Press, 1964, p. 271).

Wesley’s sermon is based—very appropriately—on “You are saved through faith.” By the words “saved” and “salvation” he includes not only our initial coming to Christ for forgiveness and pardon (justification) but also our being set apart to be conformed to the image of Christ (sanctification). Both are accomplished by God’s free grace (his favor and power) as we receive them by faith (God’s work of opening our eyes and enlightening us to the truth, and giving us the trust, belief, conviction and assurance that he will do what he has promised in his word as we call upon him like little children).

John Wesley thought much and wrote much about the issue of sin in those who are justified. Even though new followers of Christ are regenerated and inwardly renewed by the power of God, they come, before long, to realize that not all sin is gone from their lives. They now feel two principles in themselves, plainly contrary to each other: “the flesh lusting against the Spirit”—nature  opposing the grace of God. If they are true Christians, however, they seek to overcome sin in their lives by worshipping God in spirit and in truth, taking up their cross daily, and denying themselves every pleasure that does not lead them to God.

Wesley’s following remarks are pivotal. “It is thus that we wait for entire sanctification; for a full salvation from all our sins—from pride, self-will, anger, unbelief; or, as the Apostle expresses it, ‘go on to perfection’. But what is perfection? The word has various senses: Here it means perfect love. It is love excluding sin; love filling the heart, taking up the whole capacity of the soul. It is love ‘rejoicing evermore, praying without ceasing, in everything giving thanks’.”

John Wesley never used the term “sinless perfection.” He did use “Christian perfection” at times, but even more used such terms as full salvation, circumcision of the heart, entire sanctification and—his favorite—perfect love. While God’s people wait for full salvation by serving him with works of piety and works of mercy, they also need to receive from him “a conviction of our helplessness, of our utter inability to think one good thought, or to form one good desire; and much more to speak one word aright, or to perform one good action, but through his free almighty grace, first preventing (preceding) us, and then accompanying us every moment.”

Wesley then explains the faith that is necessary for receiving the gift of perfect love. “It is a divine evidence and conviction, First, that God hath promised it in the Holy Scripture. Till we are thoroughly satisfied of this, there is no moving one step further…. It is a divine evidence and conviction, Secondly, that what God hath promised he is able to perform…. It is, Thirdly, a divine evidence and conviction that he is able and willing to do it now. And why not?... He cannot want more time to accomplish whatever is his will.”

Wesley continues: “To this confidence … there needs to be added one more thing—a divine evidence and conviction that he doeth it. In that hour it is done: God says to the inmost soul, ‘According to thy faith be it unto thee!’ Then the soul is pure from every spot of sin; it is clean ‘from all unrighteousness.’ The believer then experiences the deep meaning of those solemn words, ‘If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin’.”

Wesley then urges his listeners and his readers to ask God for this gift. “You shall not be disappointed of your hope: It will come, and will not tarry. Look for it then every day, every hour, every moment! Why not this hour, this moment? … If you seek it by faith, you may expect it as you are; and if as you are, then expect it now. It is of importance to observe, that there is an inseparable connexion between these three points—expect it by faith, expect it as you are, and expect it now! … Stay (hold back) for nothing: Why should you? Christ is ready; and He is all you want. He is waiting for you: He is at the door!”

 *    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

As I read these words, I realized that this was the truth I had been missing for my twenty years as a child of God. I knew God commanded his children to be filled with his perfect love (Matt. 5:48; 22:37-40; 1 Cor.10:13; 2 Cor. 7:1; 1 Thess. 3:12-13; 5:16-24; 1 Jn. 3:3-6; 4:16-18; 5:18), but I had never heard that this full salvation was actually possible in my life right then, by faith, apart from works and self-effort. In fact, I had been taught (directly or indirectly) that these scriptures referred to an ideal toward which we should strive but never expect to live completely. This teaching discouraged me, and even, at times, gave me license to sin. I wondered: why would God command us to live a certain way yet not enable us to live that way?

As I pondered these solemn yet exciting and liberating words of John Wesley, I knew I was at a crisis point in my life, just as I was when I was born into God’s family 20 years earlier. God was stirring me deeply, and I received Wesley’s words as though God were speaking them to me. I knew the time had come. I cried out to God silently and asked him for the full salvation I had come to see as God’s will for his children in this life. I came poor and needy, thirsty and desperate, expecting his blessing by faith (trust) alone, just as I was and at that moment.

Just as when God brought me to initial salvation many years ago, I believed at that moment that the work had been done. I felt no tingling, heard no bells nor angels singing, but simply rested and rejoiced with gratitude and astonishment that God had begun a new work in me. I knew I had much to learn (and still do) about this new understanding of the spiritual life. But I also knew that God had graciously worked in me—in my head and in my heart—The Second Greatest Truth.

I am aware how sensitive—and perhaps confusing, and even boastful—my words may seem. I know how Wesley’s view is not only greatly misunderstood but sometimes ridiculed. I will therefore close with three thoughts that may be helpful.

First, I have not lived a sinless life since that momentous day in 1982. I sometimes violate God’s word, and when I do, I repent by confessing the sin to God and anyone I may have hurt. God graciously forgives me and I move on, trusting God’s perfect love to flow through me again.  Wesley never taught that a believer who has had an experience (or crisis) of entire sanctification (or “second blessing”) is thereafter guaranteed never to fall. Furthermore, any sin in such a believer of which he or she is unaware (since no one is perfected in love in an absolute sense) is continually being washed away by the blood of Christ (I John 1:5-2:6).

Second, I have never been the same since that wonderful experience. Before, when I arose in the morning I never expected to live that day fully pleasing to God. Now I start the day with (among other important thoughts) the very encouraging awareness that, unless I am convicted otherwise, I am living for the glory of God. Holiness and happiness are blended closely together as I “pray without ceasing” throughout the day, and as I look to (and expect) God’s Spirit to produce his delightful fruit in and through me (Gal. 5:22-23). To God alone be the glory!

Third, my purpose in these two postings is not to advocate for Wesley’s views or anyone else’s views. I am simply telling my story. It is one among millions of stories that could be told by God’s people, many of them probably quite different from mine. One common denominator in all of them, however, is that our growth in holiness is a process—a lifelong process. If there are crisis experiences after the new birth for some Christians, they are never once-for-all. We must continue, until the day we see Christ, living closely to God and making progress continually in love for our God and our neighbors.

 *    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

I recognize that this is a long piece, and if you are still with me I rejoice in your seriousness about holy living and serving. Of the 100 or so postings I have published during the five-year span of this blog, the previous article and this one are, in my view, the two most important I have sent out. And the most difficult to write. I’d love to read and publish your comments!

                                                                                                                       

The Second Greatest Truth (Part 1 of 2)

Books That Have Shaped Me – Part Ten

Bob Rakestraw

May 2, 2012 

“The Benediction Project”

http://bobrakestraw.blogspot.com

13a. The Works of John Wesley, edited by Thomas Jackson, 14 vols. 3^rd ed. (Reprint of 1829-31 edition), Baker, 1979.

For the first 20 years as a new and serious follower of Jesus Christ I experienced some times of spiritual success and some times of spiritual defeat. Fortunately, the latter did not dominate, but they did trouble my mind and soul.

From the time God revealed to me his way to salvation by grace through faith in 1962 until the time God revealed to me his way to holiness by grace through faith in 1982, I was searching for the highly elusive (to me) truth about the way to the remarkable life of godliness described and prescribed in the Bible. I was especially struck by certain statements in the epistles of Paul, but also by the words from the Torah and from Jesus: “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength, and your neighbor as yourself.”

During these 20 years I grew steadily (but sometimes shakily) in my Christian life through the reading of the whole Bible (about12-15) times, reading good Christian literature, hearing and preaching numerous sermons and Bible lessons, serving as a pastor in two churches, earning B.S. and M.A. degrees in Biblical studies, missions, and theology, teaching Bible and preaching courses in college, and studying the Church Fathers, ethics and more in two years of Ph.D. course work.

Over these years, however, I was hungering for a more consistently victorious Christian life. I had some areas of my life (thoughts, words, actions, attitudes) in which sin was sometimes the victor instead of the vanquished. I didn’t know how to take the “next step” (if there was one) to live a life more pleasing to God—a life of true holiness.

For the first half of this period of searching I was under the influence of “Keswick” (pronounced without the “w”) teaching on (what was variously called) the deeper life, higher life, crucified life, surrendered life and other such labels. Most of the key points of Keswick teaching are found in Romans 6-8, especially chapter 6. I learned that even though I had been crucified with Christ, in order to have victory over sin I had to continually “reckon” (count, consider) myself dead to sin and alive to God, and surrender my will, hopes, ambitions and all of my “self” to God. I also had to present my body and the parts of my body to God, not to sin. Victory over sin was available to those who did these things, and who “let go and let God.” Human effort and struggle were not emphasized in Keswick theology.

While I knew that these teachings were biblical, I felt there was something more I was not seeing, or not being taught. I longed for holiness more and more, but sin was still a bothersome presence.

During my years under Keswick theology I was also reading many books in the Reformed or Calvinistic tradition. While a good number of these works helped me significantly in increasing my thirst for God, I was not able to find the way to positive spiritual living.

Reformed theology emphasizes the inbred nature of sin in every person, even born-again Christians who have the indwelling Holy Spirit. There is a way of living righteously, however, by reading the Bible and being faithful in prayer, and by refusing the lures of the tempter.

While both Keswick and Reformed teaching are based in the Bible, and overlap in essential points, they both left me with a negative view of the extent of godliness possible in this life. The Keswick approach so stressed our death with Christ and living the crucified life that it tended to neglect the resurrection life. And the Reformed approach stressed our inbred sinfulness so much that it failed to present a robust picture—attainable in this life—of the joyful, holy, Spirit-filled person we may become.

One Reformed theologian friend of mine told me he believes there is an element of sin in everything he does, even when he is worshipping God or helping others. Sin is ever-present in the life of every Christian, he believes, and taints all that we do and are.  We must continue to struggle upward, even though we regularly slip back down the hillside.

After 20 years into my Christian life I was more frustrated than ever. I confessed every sin that I was aware of, and I knew that God forgave me, but I did not really expect to live as a consistent conqueror in Christ. Perhaps Romans 7 (“what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do”) was the best any Christian can hope for in this life. Yet I did not believe that! And I determined that I was not going to settle for that!

Late one night in our small two-bedroom apartment, after Judy and our girls had been asleep for hours, I was reading some of the writings of John Wesley. It was very quiet, Judy was asleep on our bed next to my desk, and I was reading for my work toward the Ph.D. degree. But, as indicated above, I had been hungering for a more God-honoring life. I was poor and needy and spiritually weak. I longed to be drenched and filled with the water of holiness that I knew God had for his children.

In the stillness, about 1:00 a.m. I suppose, I was reading one of Wesley’s sermons. God saw this hungry soul—one who had been saved by his grace for 20 years—and came to him with the breakthrough he had been seeking all these years.

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The Greatest Truth I had ever heard, and ever expect to hear, is that the eternal God took on a human body, lived like you and me, was murdered, rose by his own power and now lives forever to draw all people to him. Those who come to him sincerely, in whatever condition they are, are welcomed into his eternal family because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ in our place.

The Second Greatest Truth was about to be revealed to me. However, because I have exceeded my (self-imposed) word limit I will need to continue this account in my next posting.